Who am I? Who are you?

20140904-111029.jpgI’m reaching out today, I want to know you, and I want you to know me.  In a few weeks I’m starting in Community Grace with Hannah Marcotti– in an effort to reach out and connect more. with you. I feel like with all the hats and balls I juggle in work, and life, one thing I haven’t done as well with is making and maintaining connection with this community that loves, supports and makes my world go round, literally.

Of course, there is the strange world of Facebook social media- which even on its best days gives a onesided perspective of what life is in the day to day of who we are- humans, offering our gifts, sharing ourselves, hopefully authentically.  But on more than one occasion i’ve had people say, “you have a dream life” or some such nonsense.  And I snort. and laugh, because while I do live a life that could be seen as a “Dream”, I’m still human, with dreams, hopes, heartbreaks, and faults.  I’m far more than this herbalist who talks to plants and makes tinctures that cure everyone in the neighborhoods case of strep throat.  Thats good.  Its who I am…and… I just came home from Burning Man, where I’m not an “herbalist”  I’m just me, and in whatever shape or form I want that to be in the moment.  Who am I?

I am a woman, a daughter, a mother to be.

I am crunchy by standards- my hair unbrushed, body unshaven, but I adore playing dress up, and wearing my friends handcrafted perfumes, and feeling beautiful and sexy like a lady.

I finally discovered that I can wear a miniskirt.

I like to dye my hair. purple.

My sink is more often than not full of dirty dishes, that have sat for more than a day. And I curse them.  Because I’m just one person, and I can’t keep up with everything.

I rarely fold my laundry.

I cry every day.

I resent the fact that I’m in my mid thirties, single and childless.

I don’t get to spend as much time outside as I need, and it makes my soul crazy.

I love dancing, especially when its loud EDM, at midnight. or even 2 am.

I dream far more than I do.

I’m just now learning how to make conversation with strangers – but I can get up on stage in front of an audience and put on a show without blinking. I like public speaking.

I don’t open up much to people around me. And I feel lonely. go figure.

Sometimes there’s a snarky mcsnarklebutt party in my head.

I hate grocery shopping.  I love cooking.

I learned to like thrift shopping this year. I think because I’ve learned to love my body, in all its curves, waves and rolls.

I’m a rebel at heart- never following the crowd.

I’m learning to let go of perfection.  I’m a virgo moon and virgo rising. This is like running a marathon.

My spanish is still good after all these years.

I still want to travel to Ireland, Spain, and France.

I wish I had been born a cavewoman.  And then, I remember how much I appreciate running water, hot running water- and a soft bed.

I still wonder where I’m supposed to call home.

I’m not a pet person, and I’m okay with it. I actually really don’t like pets, though I tolerate kitties far better than pups.

I wanted to be a rockstar far more than I wanted to be an herbalist.

Banjo. hoop. dreadlocks.

I collect feathers, stones, and handbags.

I can’t seem to keep a journal,  (or a blog very well for that matter).

I adore kale salads, but scoff at kale smoothies.

I love plants, more for their existence,their beauty, their kinship on the land, than for their medicinal uses, though thats nice too.

I think I want and need a sabbatical for a year, and just lay in mountain meadows, bathe in rivers, and make love under the stars.  And have someone cook my meals and rub my feet.

The best life changing things I’ve done are go to Burning Man, go to Peru, be a foreign exchange student, finally let myself be single.

I only eat one square of chocolate at a time. But my discipline around chewy colorful candies like gummy bears or skittles is zilch.

I eat butter with a spoon.  And bacon. Yes.

I think my brother is one of the best men on the planet.

I’m horribly disorganized most of the time.

I love to sleep. I will never trade sleep for working more.  I will only trade sleep for midnight dance parties.

 

Who are you?  Tell me who you are, what you love, what you do and don’t do, what you dream of, who you are, besides your  “persona” that the public sees.

 

 

 

 

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34 thoughts on “Who am I? Who are you?

  1. I love the questions Darcy and all the beautiful sharings! I feel questions spiral us into our beings beautifully. I just read this blog and the posts today….will share who I am in a few days when I have the time and space to answer this beautiful question. Namaste, Linda aka Deer Woman

  2. After reading everyone else’s autobiogaraphies ( Oh. My. Goddddddd. They were . . . you all are . . . AWESOME), I am scared I did not do mine right. Like I didn’t delve deep enough or something. I never quite feel ‘enough’ either like someone else up there ^^^ mentioned but here it is. . . .

    Who am I when the world’s not looking??

    I was really hoping you could tell me. Hehehehe!! To be honest, I am an old soul and I have been on a mission to find me for a while now. I am still young (39) but all my younguns are grown and my eldest grandchild is just turning 6 when I am going to be driving West to the HerbFolk Gathering on the 17th (I feel soooooo GUILTY). I am suffering terribly from Empty Nesters and as a triple whammy Pisces (Sun, Moon, and Rising), this loss of identity – no matter how temporary (please, please, please be temporary!!) – has me undone. The only time I really feel like I belong is when I am amongst the greenieherbieweedy plants and the peeps who also love them. I am in the process of training my thumb to be green (sans the ‘gan’ in front of the ‘grene’) and I wonder how I kept the kids alive for so long. I am not really as sad as I sound like I am. There are so many personalities in me that I can socialize with myself just fine.

    But, who am I when the world is not looking?

    Ruth Cronan, Yzzy O’Cronin, Appalachian March Baby, Momma, Mamaw, auntee, Cuzzin, Sissie, Daughter, Granddaughter of Bea, Great Granddaughter of Eller Sue, Wifey, Community Volunteer. Closeted grammar nazi, in spite of this particular piece. Of the Smiths out of Scotland (#scotland.or.bust). Aspiring knitter, pen hoarder (Go Bic Cristal!!), kitchen witchy, follower of <3JESUS CHRIST<3 veritable historian and trivia geek, unorganized stenographer of life (you could mummify me from the little sticky notes receipts and random slips of papers I jot down the moments onto!!), notorious for getting lost (and 28.89 7/8 different shades of emotional) in a good book . . . and my brain gets to choose the definition of good. You probably cannot tell by this piece but I am addicted to parentheses and little side notes. Admirer of those weeds that grow up through the parking lots and walls and sidewalks everywhere . . . what resilience and persistence. I need me a passion like that!
    I am awesome, these days. Kind. Funny. Helping. Smart. Silly bordering on corny. Not very organized for all that, but: Blah, who needs organized. Hehehe. Charming. I can also drag the charming out of roughnecks like the construction workers building the pavilion at the old job site. I like being feminine in The South. Doesn’t hurt that I am kind of a freak that is such an equal opportunity lover. Right now I am crushing on Brian Johnson of AC/DC and this totally hot construction worker who stands head and shoulders above me and kinda favors 7song Sevensong from the back with his hair a little curlier than Sevensong’s (don’t tell the hubs!!). I am the weirdo, the dirt-petal-pebble-feather collector. Every purse I own has plant material enmeshed in the fabric. Lover of Glechoma and Scutellaria becuz they are fine, caring gents. I am a social work student for Kaplan U. I am blessed with not having to wonder where the necessities of life are coming from.

    Too much goes through my mind at warp speed and more than I like actually slips out. No one seems to really “get me” and there are always a whole buncha jokes about me being stoned. LOL. I am an airhead and am frazzled very easily by random things. Maybe Momma was high on ‘shrooms when I was born (??). I dislike conflict and will walk away and shut down when confrontation looms. My nails are perpetually shredded. Moody but creative. Emotional but positive.

    I am a Flower Child with a Goth soul. I try to navigate me to bright colors and bubbles and flowers and hearts and smiling little faces but am more often than not drawn to black and night and thunderstorms and graveyards and demon movies and morbid music.I am pretty sure that my timely undoing will be my Selkie lover luring me to the bottom of sea (Sccotland or bust) and I see absolutely nothing wrong with that at the moment. When my daughter likes me again(she is 19 – ‘nuff said) I have faith that we will reminisce the days that she was certain she wanted to be a Hollywood Scream Queen and how she posed for a photo in the dew softened hole freshly dug for my mom’s coffin (Momma would roll over in her grave if she knew that.)

    I want to live in The City so I can stroll through farmers' markets and butcher shops and produce stands and come up with ideas of things to cook for supper. And to be honest, my piece looks all Yuletide like with all the little red and green squiggly underlines . . .

    So here I am in all my 800-ish word glory. Sorry. (not really). Scotland or bust.

    1. So glad to know you better, Ruth! “Flower child with a Goth soul” – YES!! And so much more. I wish we were neighbors – I’d love to hang out with you, garden, cook, shoot the shit, maybe even howl a bit. Have a GREAT time at Herbfolk and you better get to Scotland!

  3. Thank you Darcy for this project. Being a little disconnected at this time I had a difficult time thinking about who I am, and I am certain that I will have to add to what came to mind today, but it is a good start. So, here is me:

    I am not simply wearing many hats. I seriously am many. Somebody told me once there is no one way to describe who I am.

    I am a very old soul traveling on this planet again that just turned 54 years old. It’s my Hermit year, and a hermit I am. I prefer to spend time by myself. I hate small talk, but any good in depth conversation about whatever you want to talk about, I’m game.

    I came a long way literally – from Europe to live in this country. I am a mother, daughter, cousin, sister, becoming grandmother, wife and friend. I am honest, with a big heart, and care for and about others more than myself. That did not pay me well in the past when I came down with some serious illnesses; the most serious probably a sepsis and a mini stroke. But I was not ready to leave the planet yet, and got back in the game every time after some rest.

    I am a counselor, accountant, medical assistant in the ‘real’ world. In the ‘other’ world I am a shamanic practitioner, herb enthusiast, and Tarot reader. The passions don’t feed me and it is ok. I strongly believe that the gifts spirit gave me are not to be marketed in a six figure business. (That is not to say I did not try.) I somehow dance in both worlds, and learned how to balance them by accepting that this is what I am supposed to do in this lifetime. And most of all I am a passionate and lifelong student of spirit and life itself.

    I am dreaming of that place in the country where I can grow my own food and a medicinal plant garden; have my dogs and cats; chicken and goats; a cow or two; bees and horses. I so terribly miss my horses; they did not come with me to the new country.

    I am dreaming of having a little studio where I can live my creative side. And another little structure on the land that will be a healing room, a sacred space for others and myself where I can share the gifts spirit gave me.

    Until then, I live in a noisy condo, with way to many people way to close to me and the space I need for myself. I am getting angry and sad way too often because of this stressful situation, and try to escape as often as I can into the serenity and peacefulness of the mountains and forests around me.

    And I am afraid to cry, because I might not be able to stop for a while.

    1. Hey Leahilanah, I know where you are coming from. I would rather be somewhere else doing something else but that is not what is to be for now. I decided to make peace with it because it is where the Divine has put me. It’s kind of like not swimming against the tide; If you do you will struggle and possibly drown. I am where I am supposed to be doing what I’m supposed to be doing, but I know that it is not forever and I trust in my ability to create, being the child of the Creator. I am visualizing how I want my life and I see small adjustments coming together in my life moving in that direction. It isn’t happening overnight but there is movement and it is good. Peace to you sis. Flo

      1. Thank you for your kind words, Flo. I think the moment where you realize that you actually are doing your ‘job’, even though it does not look like it on the outside, is the moment where growth sets in. Surrender keeps us in the flow.

  4. I’m a dancer trapped in an herbalist’s body and the dancer wants out.
    I have worked myself to exhaustion the last few years trying to create permaculture gardens and get out of a financial hole. I decided very recently that I’m just not going to do it anymore. I hate that I missed so much time with friends and family over it the last 4 years and hope to make it up to them.
    I’m in love with lucid dreaming and have been working hard on getting more sleep and dream time.
    I took the name butterfly medicine woman, but have only told a few people.
    For 15 years or so I cried every morning when I woke up missing my brother that died and missing my brothers that are living, then one day I stopped crying.
    Some days I feel like I don’t know anything at all, then I’ll repeat some basic truth to someone and am happy to find out that it’s new to them.
    I hope one day to be a wise healer.
    I’m trying hard to be more social, it certainly has its ups and downs. But tribal gatherings and learning real communication skills are important, I know.
    I want to learn to play the banjo I’ve had hanging in my barn for 6 years now.
    I was in roller derby for about 5 seconds and then hurricane Rita happened and I moved, but roller skating was one of my biggest passions and I hope to get back to it one day.
    I used to be very sick and thanks to getting away from Dr.’s and following another path, I am the healthiest I’ve ever been, though I still have a long way to go.
    I get so very tired of discussing my weight… with everyone. 40 years of comments by others wear on me as does having to explain for the thousandth time that I can’t control my weight. I’ve tried everything and this is just who I am, I’m not anorexic, bulimic and am not on a strict diet.
    I’m madly in love with my friends, the ones I can hug and the ones online. I can’t imagine life without them.
    I desperately miss my teenage niece and resent that her father won’t let her come visit me because I’m “too far away”.
    I love reading trees and find great comfort in sitting in the woods w/out talking, but listening to the voice of the wind, birds and insects.
    I miss Mexico, travelling and being around people from a Hispanic culture. I miss the breeze of the ocean.
    I also want to go on retreat for about a year, sleep late in a big soft bed and read books.
    I love butter, beer and cupcakes.
    I love that I know the warm healing love of plants. I love dreaming about plants.
    On one hand I wish I hadn’t been born in this time in the world’s history, the horrible things going on, but on the other hand I wonder if I’ll get to see an amazing transformation.
    Stray cats and dogs just find me and I can’t say no.

  5. Hey,

    I have lived 62 years and have raised a lot of hell, not my kids and now raise veggies.

    I am Mexican American and Apache and am now trying to understand the folk healing of my cultures.

    I learned Portuguese when I lived in Brazil and that helped out my Spanish (which I flunked in high school….grounded for a month) 🙂

    I am a care giver for elderly parents and found out what unconditional love is when I got my first fur baby. I have and am learning much from all of them.

    I am single for now but life has taught me to never say never!

    I love to dance and still am faithful to disco and funk. uh huh,,that’s right. 🙂

    I could sit in my window all night and whisper my dreams, problems and gratitude to the Grandmother Moon. It is such a joy when she is full.

    I am a Virgo and tend to be a workaholic. I have to work at relaxing…isn’t that crazy.

    I don’t feel or act my age but my body gives me a reminder a little more often than I’d like…ai yai yai.

    I asked the Divine for a small piece of land and promised that if I was blessed with it I would make Gaia proud of what She and I create. I now have a small piece of land as of 2 weeks ago. wuhuu!

    I am a 20 year breast cancer survivor that got the message… Don’t sweat the small stuff, it’s all small stuff and try to remember that daily when a small stuff rears it’s ugly head.

    I love connecting here as I tend to be a bit of a loner and live in a small, real small town where there isn’t a lot to do anyway.

    Thanks Darcey and ladies!!

    1. Calendula, can you please private message me. I’d love to talk to you about something. ~ Jamie (missouriherbs@gmail.com) Darcey knows me, I’m not a stalker 🙂

  6. I am 34 years old, married, no kids (by choice), and have two cats. The cat that’s been with me the longest has seen me through so many trials (11 years), I adore him. I’ve known my husband for 13 years, it has always been him even when I thought it wasn’t.

    I have two degrees that I am not using, have special training in lithographic printing, taught art for two years, have been working in a job completely unrelated to these degrees and herbalism for seven years. This job suits me better than the previous track, so there is solace in that. So much money has been spent on these degrees that are not being used, I resent that I’ll be paying them off for the next ten years.

    I resent that I am expected to have children. Sometimes I wonder if I don’t want to have children as a pushback, contrarian move against society at large – to make a statement.

    I live in Brooklyn, NY – some days I love it more than anything and can’t imagine being anywhere else, other days I cry because I need to be in nature more and can’t stand the cement, cars, buildings and people.

    My heart breaks on a daily basis over the state of our society, world, environment.

    With each new place I visit, I bring a rock home.

    I love being home, and I’ve come to accept that I don’t like getting to places very much – once I’m settled in a new place I am pretty happy.

    Spring and Summer are my favorite seasons, but summer in the city is disgusting. I want to be able to take summers off to be in the country (or on the beach) so I can swim every day.

    I love swimming, and walking, and hiking, and bicycling.

    I’ve never felt that I’m “enough” – good enough, smart enough, pretty enough, creative enough, having enough, etc… this is a deep sadness and lack that I carry with me.

    I am afraid of trying new things, but I do them anyway because I’d rather regret doing the thing than spend my life regretting that the desire to do so never fully manifested.

    I’m afraid of failing at becoming a self-employed herbalist, and of having to work for someone else for the rest of my life. I very much want to be able to work from home, determine my own schedule, and have enough time (and money) to do the other things in my life that I want (exercise more, travel more, spend time with friends/family more.)

    I love working and making things.
    I love books, poetry, all kinds of music, art, and collecting things.

    I hate doing laundry, dishes and housework, but strangely I don’t mind cleaning the bathroom.

    I love grocery shopping, especially browsing at the farmer’s market, and cooking.

    I rescue plants that have been put out on the sidewalk as “trash” on a regular basis – they don’t always survive, but they get a lot of love from me in the interim.

    I talk to both plants and animals.

    I’m not very good at relationships, but I’m working on getting better at it. I’ve been in more abusive and toxic relationships than I care to admit, it has made me weary of new ones. I’m thankful and blessed to be in a great relationship now, and am grateful for it every day.

    I never seem to have enough time to do everything that I want to do, I’m thankful for my past lives!

    Finding herbalism found me when I was most lost, I cry every time I think about how much it has changed my life. I never knew what I wanted “to be” because I wanted to be everything and nothing, I didn’t understand why I had to choose. Herbalism lets me be everything that I want.

    I feel that the older I get, the more me I become. That my body is starting to catch up to my soul, it comforts me.

    I’m not afraid of dying or death. I don’t want to die being a very sick person, I want to die an old woman, in my sleep, without any major health issues. I miss everyone I’ve been close to who has passed away, daily.

    I’m curious to see what is going to happen with our home, Earth, as the population soars and resources are wasted. It will be an interesting time.

    I hate truffles – I don’t care that they are “the” precious food commodity, the smell gives me migraines.

    I’m learning to embrace all of the emotions that I feel, and not push and stuff the “undesirable” ones away.

    I don’t meditate, or have a journal.

    If I like you, I will talk your ear off. If I don’t like you, I’ll still talk your ear off.

    When I get nervous, I make terrible jokes that only I laugh at.

  7. Susan’s reply made me cry so hard.

    I am 26. Young, but I live with urgency.
    I’ve always wanted to grow up fast– as a young girl I was bossy and had the other kids in kindergarten call me “Queenie”

    Had my first child at 22. Now I am growing my second. I am grateful to be a vessel, but resent the fact that I can’t go anywhere I please at anytime. I cry (even right now) for my yearning gypsy soul.

    Perhaps I’ll travel when I’m grown….

    I am most often a loner

    I like to watch cheesy TV shows and cry when I’m alone. I like to dance and sing at the top of my lungs to Heart and laugh at myself when I’m alone.

    Lately I mostly just feel overwhelmed. Cooking and cleaning my house is never ending.

    I haven’t showered since…(thinking)….ummm I think it was Saturday?

    I am working so hard to start my own business, but there is never enough time. Or clients. Or money…..

    It’s shameful how little time I have had to spend in nature this summer– especially because I love the plants so DAMN much and I am an herbalist for god’s sake!!

    I am grateful that I have a new dear sister friend that is saving my life right now. She makes me crack up and remember that life isn’t that damn serious. She helps me with my work. She comes for dinner.

    I love to swear– I choose not to censor my language much in front of my son. Some people think that is awful. But I don’t give a fuck! I can’t even get my son to swear for the life of me— yes, I have tried!

    I love crickets and when the air is thick at night. I love hoppy beer– I miss it. I miss the man I broke up with three months ago. And now I am having another man’s child.

    Thank you all for sharing your hearts. Thank you for inspiring me to share mine.

  8. Dear Darcey…. This is so WILD… and I love your openness and honesty! I’ve never met you, but found your article in a magazine…and contacted you to see if you’d like to do a radio program on the wonderful plants you commune with…looking forward to making that come true…when the time is right!

    Today I met a young women who had just returned from Burning Man. We talked and she told me about the values at Burning Man and the gifting that is so much a part of those days… I was desiring to “have” a little of that here in my life right now!! And then I find this amazing newsletter from Darcy…whom I feel has brought the “spirit” of Burning Man right here to me…in my home…and I’m grateful!

    Thank you for this wonderful opportunity to be so so real!! And thank you to the others who have responded. It was a delight to read your postings!

    I’m a lover of nature…enjoy living in a city….where the trees out number the people 100 to 1

    I crave to learn about the native plants that grow all around…waiting for humans to
    recognize their beauty and healing potential…and yet most times, are ignored…

    I love love love teaching….I love seeing a child creating at the piano….love seeing a light bulb go off…when a child learns something for the first time…

    I love love love ‘real’ conversations with elders…. listening to their stories…their wisdom

    I love love love bringing people to the radio to share their passions…
    I love love love hosting educational programs….sharing information about “new ways” of living in harmony with the planet and all of life…

    In my 30’s and 40’s i was the “indigo” teacher in private and public schools, always finding ways to address the ‘real’ needs of the children and not just teach in the ‘status quo’ manner.

    I’m proud to say I’m guilty of a criticism given me years ago…”She allows the children in her kindergarten classroom to play!”

    Now today at 69 years of age, I’m a teacher of the piano and the basics of radio broadcasting for children.

    I’m sad… deeply deeply sad that every day and every month I struggle to pay my bills.

    I’m sad…so sad….that all my efforts to create teleclasses that make a difference…have not caught on…

    I have loved loved loved…being a parent for over 40 years….have always said I love being called mother….

    I have a child with special needs…and now at 39 she has a chronic illness…and struggles to be well….in recent years…I have not allowed myself to cry for her…because if I began…i don’t think i’d ever stop….

    i’m so sad…. that all of my children do not seek natural ways of healing…and are very much into the health care system…

    i’m so so sad that I’ve not found the “last love” of my life…

    I’m proud to say that I do not remain in a relationship that isn’t fulfilling just because I’m well “taken care of” financially

    I’m go grateful…that although I’ve struggle with $$$ for years…I always find myself a lovely lovely home to live in… sometimes as a nanny…sometimes doing elder care…but always a lovely lovely home to rise and shine in every day….

    I have to say I love love sweets….but have learned not indulge very often…so am pretty healthy….but I don’t like that I’m still heavy….and am mad that a piece of cake…doesn’t make me feel well any more….

    I am grateful that I do have my health… able to work all day… garden, walk, jog….

    I’m grateful for my spiritual practices… that allow for healing… physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually….

    And I’m glad that each day….is a new beginning…and their is always hope for a better tomorrow….

  9. Thank you Darcy for your Frankness. I so agree with the easily mis-interprated perception that social media offers. So here goes

    I cannot stop thinking about everything I consume and how to best utilize my money, meet my physical needs and NOT create anymore trash, waste any more resources, harm anymore beings & the planet in the process all the while finding joy in my day to day. This one is the trickiest for me.

    With that said…….

    I eat meat and am currenlty working towards less of it and only the “happy” animal way (from Food Inc?)

    I am about to embark on a no sugar (refined white and then very little honey to be used more like salting or seasoning) no alcohol one year journey that I’m quite nervous about but adament about the committment

    I am a strong vibrant creative woman who picks men who are challenged in a big way and see a therapist reguarly to help me find my voice because I cannot seem to point out the “obvious” to anyone for fear that I will make them feel dumb or embarrass them.

    sometimes I cry so hard I can’t breath and I feel my control slipping away from me and calm mself down by imaging holding my infant self when she must have cried like that. And it works!! This led me to forgive myself for leaving my baby girls to cry it out when I was too exhausted, underequipped and overwhelmed and then to forgive my Mom for doing the same.

    I am in love with trees. This is recent and so powerful. I just discovered one that is over 100 feet tall with the center open for sitting. The original tree trunk had been cut off/down at ground level and the trunks that are there now (7 or 8?) grew out of the ground around this 3 foot in diameter trunk creating the most intimate spot to sit in a tree.

    I am known as the pie lady. I make pies because I think they are the only desert that truly facilitates a good old fashion sit down, face to face visit. And we soooo need to bring back the art of visiting.

    I worry too much about things that have not happened but am so very afreaid of and have to continually remind myself to stop.

    I love to hike and do yoga but am still chubby and currenlty on my off schedule.

    This is the year I have dedicated to writing. Learning how to do it better. Reaching a larger audience by starting a blog and saving my pennies for a writers workshop next summer.

    I am funny as hell. My archetype is the Fool and I will make you laugh so hard you will not even realize your healing/revealing that just happened until later.

    The older I get the more interested, passionate and caring I am for this planet. I crave the outdoors and all it offers.

    I”m glad I found Darcy! She is a gem. An Emerald in the desert.

  10. i am so seriously going to reply to this. Tommorrow. I have a ton of social workly home work due and must work work slave away. LOL. Not sure how I can top these autobiographies, though. LOL.

  11. I really loved this! So I’ll share a bit too.

    I’m a 62 year old mother, grandmother, sister, plant lover, tree worshipper, long-lost relative of the ancient Redwoods who recognized me and spoke to me the first time I met them.

    I cry every day for my oldest son, Jason, who died last year. I will never recover from his death, and I don’t want to.

    I come across as stronger and happier than I really am. I put up a good front.

    When I garden, I worry that I might hurt the earthworms. And I talk to them. And to the frogs, toads, bees, ants, dragonflies, butterflies, hummers, chipmonks – all the creatures that call my home their home.

    I miss the past so much I wish I would wake up in the morning and have it be almost any other century than this one. I don’t want to know about climate change, fracking, GMOs, that the bees are dying. . . all this stuff hurts like hell and I hate it!

    I love animals more than people (except for my family and close friends).

    I love trees more than people too (except for my family and close friends).

    I will never be a vegetarian. Sorry. I also love wild meat.

    I like the idea of being sociable more than the reality of it.

    I’m a writer but haven’t written anything much since Jason died. So am I still a writer? Do my unfinished projects count? Does the article due tomorrow that I haven’t started yet count?

    I love making perfume! It’s my new passion and something I can do even when I’m too old and decrepit to do the hard work of gardening. But the ingredients sure are expensive!!

    I love to cook. I love to eat. I hate that I’m fat, but I have to accept it. Finally. Right?

    I don’t mind that I’m getting old but I do miss my sons who live too far away.

    I resent that I’m stuck in Maine because of my disabled sister, because of a house that we own, because the housing market sucks, because I don’t have enough money to move. But where would I go???

    I do love the mountains here. I love my garden, I love the rocks and crystals in it and in the winter I can see the roots of the perennial herbs snug in the earth waiting for the warmth of spring.

    I used to love winter best because I loved skiing. Now the cold and snow and lack of sun depress me and I live for the smell of snowmelt, longer days, and getting my hands in the dirt.

    I’m a green witch and proud of it.

    1. 💓 oh Susan bless you. For all you have done for our dear Gaia over the years thru writing and sharing. I hope you feel held in your moments of deep grief. Sending so much love!

    2. Susan, I admire you so much!! I always have. I think i may build a root cellar or something to kidnap you and keep you in. Every time I argue with that mean, bullying squirrel who thinks he owns our plot or sit and watch the writing spider enjoying making her autumn web, I think of you. You should right about write more more more (to Billy Idol’s tune) about our wildlife we share our plots with. I could read your words forevermore!! and also write more more more (to Billy Idol’s tune) about your cooking 😉 🙂 🙂 🙂

      1. How did I miss this, Ruth? But thank you. There are days, like today, when I feel myself coming back to life, inklings of creativity which for me now translate into new fragrances. I just got caught up with accords I was low on for the five perfumes I created (in case I actually sell some, hahaha!), and can feel a new one simmering – woodsy, rosey, a bit spicy. But that rose is so $$$$! Last summer after Jason died I made a perfume in his memory. He worked in an organic cow barn and in the woods, liked a drink now and again and also smoked. So the perfume is a bit woodsy, hay, tobacco, sweat and manure, sunshine on fresh grass, and warmth. Now, about a year later that perfume has aged into something quite wonderful (as Jason would have if he’d had the chance). So I want to make more and share it. Life does go on, and we bring everything and everyone along for the ride. ((((xxx))) (That’s a big hug in case you were wondering!

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